Divorce is complicated and emotional, even under the best of circumstances. For women, there may be additional concerns. And child custody issues can be especially stressful.
Women are encouraged to speak with a reputable female divorce attorney in San Antonio before making any big decisions. It’s not all about the legalities of divorce, though. There are a lot of other things that need to be considered, as well.
To help, we’ve gathered the best divorce advice for women, covering everything from finances to children to your own peace of mind, and put it all in a straightforward list of the top 21 tips!
- Work on having a positive mindset. Divorce is an emotional roller coaster no matter what you do, but there are ways to keep a positive and optimistic attitude. Find an uplifting blog or podcast or read a motivational book; whatever you can to keep your spirits up through this difficult process. It will help immeasurably.
- Understand that unfair settlements eventually hurt everyone involved, even if you feel like the ‘victor’ at first. Whatever the outcome of the divorce, you should seek a fair and equitable resolution for every issue. This will go a long way towards making the divorce process a healthy and effective one.
- Understand that you can’t control your spouses’ actions, but you can control your response. There may be moments where you feel especially frustrated by your spouses’ choices or actions, but instead of trying to force them to do something, consider the best way to respond. Consider what’s likely to illicit a more positive conversation. A well-qualified and approachable divorce attorney will encourage and help facilitate effective conversation between you and your spouse.
- If you have kids, try to remember to put them first. The emotional roller coaster of divorce can get the best of anyone. It often causes divorcing parents to lose sight of what’s most important which results in outcomes that aren’t necessarily what’s best for the kids. Before making any final decisions, ask yourself if it’s what would really be best for the kids.
- Educate yourself about the divorce process. The more you understand what’s happening, the better you’ll feel and the more likely you are to reach a resolution that you can live with and move on from. You can easily find a book at the library or a divorced mom blog that might help. It will also help tremendously to work with an approachable San Antonio family law attorney who will be happy to answer all your questions.
- Attend some form of therapy or counseling. Therapy can be a very effective tool for working through the emotions and personal issues that can stem for divorce. It can help you clear your head, make sense of what’s happening, and can lead to better decisions overall.
- If you have children, consider therapy for them, as well. Just like you, children will have a lot of emotions to work through. Child or even family therapy can help the kids process those changes in a healthy way.
- Consider mediation before heading to court. Divorce can be a long and costly battle through the court system. Mediation and other alternative forms of dispute resolution focus on facilitating respectful conversations and fair negotiations. It’s also more cost-effective than the courts so it can often be a win-win for everyone involved. A female divorce attorney can also help you with mediation as well.
- Be committed to the process. If you decide to try mediation, don’t be skeptical or just go through the motions. You must be dedicated and openminded about the mediation process, even when things get emotional. Really commit to giving mediation your best effort.
- Set a goal and make a plan. While you don’t want to be argumentative with your spouse, you still want to make sure you’re getting what you deserve. Set a goal for what you think is fair and then create a plan with your attorney to get there. This doesn’t mean the result will be exactly what you expected but having a plan and direction to move towards can be very effective.
- It goes without saying, but make sure you’re sure. Divorce is a big deal and once you start the process, a kind of line is crossed, and it can be very hard to go back. So, don’t jump into this decision – make sure it’s really what you want.
- Get a good parenting agreement. Even if it seems like your spouse is being cooperative about the kids right now, it’s still best to get everything in writing. Your divorce lawyer should be able to help you draft a fair parenting agreement that meets Texas family law standards and reflects a fair resolution to child custody issues that is acceptable to both spouses’ and is fair to the children.
- Don’t be afraid to go to court if you must. Sometimes, one spouse is unfairly stubborn, or agreements can’t be met amicably. If you and your attorney have done everything you can to negotiate a fair settlement and family plan through mediation, but your spouse won’t cooperate, don’t be afraid to take the next step. It’s important to be fair but also know when to stand your ground.
- Be willing to compromise. Putting your kids, family, and peace of mind first sometimes means that you have to compromise. You won’t always get everything you originally hoped for, but that willingness to compromise can sometimes move the process forward or break an uncomfortable and stressful situation.
- Protect your possessions and valuables. Even if your spouse is being cooperative and willing to try mediation, it can still bring out the worst in people. Divorce is difficult, and you never know when something might trigger an emotional response from your spouse. Be hopeful but practical and talk to your attorney about how to protect your most important possessions.
- It’s not all about the money. Other things are at stake, including your health, job, and peace. Don’t drag the process on over things that won’t matter a year from now. It could cost you lost income, friends, your job, and your conscious.
- Monitor your credit. A divorce can trigger unexpected (and expected) extra expenses. You should keep a close eye on your credit through these changes to make sure nothing is there that shouldn’t be, like debts from your ex-spouse that show up on your credit report. Make sure you’re not listed as an obligator which could make you liable for your spouse’s debt payments, even if it wasn’t part of the divorce agreement. Talk to your attorney about this, as well.
- Be honest with your expectations. While a reliable therapist and caring lawyer can help you make sense of your emotions, reduce the costs of divorce, and protect what’s most important to you, keep in mind that they’re not miracle makers. Divorce is a big deal and it’s going to mean some changes to your life and finances. If you have unrealistic expectations of the divorce, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Be optimistic, but also try to be realistic about what it will be like.
- Think before signing. Always carefully and thoroughly read a divorce document or legal agreement before signing it and ask your attorney as many questions as you need to so that you know exactly what you’re signing and what your rights are.
- Cover all your bases. Don’t try to rush through the divorce or mediation because that can lead to costly mistakes. Take your time before making major decisions and make sure you cover all your bases.
- Find a lawyer you’re comfortable with. You’re going to be working with them very closely through a particularly trying and personal situation. You must be comfortable with your attorney and trust their instincts, experience, and even their demeanor. Make sure you’re on the same page and that you’re completely comfortable working with them. This is why women often choose a female divorce attorney.
Noted female divorce attorney, Jennifer Espronceda, guides women through divorces and mediation in the San Antonio area. She provides practical advice and realistic solutions that work for women and their families.
Contact Espronceda Law today for more information.